Sins of a Devil
by Neko Kate-chan
Summary: [MurSaki] What if there had been a deeper meaning behind Saki's madness? What if, in his own way, he was only trying to help?


**The Sins of a Devil**

**Author's Note**: _You know when you get tortured by an idea, and you just have to get it down? Well, this is one of mine. For some reason, even though I'm a TsuzukixHisoka fan, I really like Muraki pairings… Maybe I'm just strange? MurakixSaki pairing… All dialogue and back-story is taken from the anime and gaps are pulled out of my ass I was also unsure which was Saki's first and second name… I took it that Saki was, seeing as Shido was a bit of a weird first name… If I'm wrong, please don't hesitate to correct me! Also, Muraki is very OOC, mainly because Saki hasn't killed anyone yet in this. I think he is very much like Hisoka when he is younger, so that's how I've portrayed him, while Saki is portrayed almost like the canon's Muraki._

**Disclaimer**: _I do not own Muraki, Saki, Yami no Matsuei or anything except the tools I used to write this. Good day Mr Lawyers ! The 'tickled not throttled' line comes from my History Teacher's Grandma…_

**Warnings**: _MurakixSaki, OOC, Lemon, NC-17, Violence, Swearing, Angst, S&M_

xXx

"Kazutaka, this boy is your older brother," was how my father introduced us. I nearly broke down then and there. I had an older brother? My father… My father had sired a bastard child? How dare he do that to my mother! How dare he!

"Nice to meet you, Kazutaka," The boy said. I looked at him, properly looking at him now. He had silver eyes, like me, but they were like steel, cold and hard, despite his smiling face.

Yet I felt my heart speed up. I meant to insult him. I meant to snarl and spit at my father for the dishonour he had brought upon my mother. Instead I just bowed, unable to find any words. I just knew trying to hate Saki wouldn't work. He was just too… too… perfect…

"Shido Saki" He bowed also. I straightened, a smile fixed in place. I wasn't sure how to feel. I should be angry, but I couldn't become angry… It was impossible…

"Muraki Kazutaka," I replied. My father dismissed us and left the room. I stood, staring at the floor, unsure what to say. I had always been a little shy, unable to get what I wanted to say across. I often found it hard to say what I wanted or to make friends. Saki moved past me, picking up one of my mother's dolls, it's beautiful porcelain face was that of a European child's. He straightened out it's clothes.

"Aren't you a little old for dolls, Kazutaka-kun?" He asked, obviously mocking me. I just shrugged.

"My mother collects them. The doll holds sentimental value. It's very beautiful; my mother insists that we have one thing of beauty in each room of the house. I'm not a big fan of art or sculpture, so she forced one of those dolls on me. It took some getting used to, but now I wouldn't be parted with it," I told him. He looked at the doll slightly more reverently as he put it down.

"What is her name?" Saki asked. I was caught off guard. A name? I hadn't really thought about it. It had always been known as 'doll'.

"I… I never gave her one…" I mumbled, uneasy under his intense gaze. He moved closer, so close I could feel his breath on the forehead of my down-turned face. I felt ashamed at the sudden emotions racing through me. I didn't know this boy; so why did I feel so… jittery and excited to be near him? It was almost like what the girls at school talked about… Lots of them had crushes on Oriya, they would say how their hearts' raced and they felt faint and light-headed… Was it possible that I had a crush on… my half brother?

Not only was that incest, it was terribly wrong. He was male. If father ever found out about how I felt, he'd be disgraced and kick me from the family… Not that it matters if Saki has been adopted, as he'll be the heir.

"How about... Asuka?" He asked. I blinked up at him, watching his gentle smile and finding myself smiling too.

"Asuka it is," I replied. I then remembered how close we were, with my face upturned like it was there was only a few inches distance between the two of us.

"So, Kazutaka-kun, what is there to do in the Muraki compound? I haven't really had a look around yet… Where's your room?" Saki asked. I nearly choked. Why did he want to know where my room was? I just hid my blush and led him out of my study, three meters down the hallway and into my room.

My room was plain; I had little use for adornments. There was a futon, a bookcase, a few school textbooks and that was about it. Saki looked around the room, obviously unimpressed.

"If this is what they give their son, what the hell are they going to give me?" He asked, almost to himself. I nearly choked on my anger.

"My parents didn't give me this! I chose this! What's the point in useless ornaments and trinkets? All they do is gather dust!" I huffed. He looked amused and ruffled my hair almost affectionately.

"Okay, okay, Bon, I get the picture," He chuckled. I growled.

"Don't call me Bon!" I protested. He just laughed harder until I got really angry. All my previous anger at my father, at his place in the family, at his mocking smile, rose to the surface and exploded. I attempted to punch him, but he just grabbed my wrist, twisting it up behind me and pushing me up against the wall.

"Calm down, Bon, no reason to get frisky," He whispered, his lips brushing against my ear. I felt my anger quickly melting away being replaced almost immediately by pure lust. It wasn't fair for him to be able to affect me like this. I'd known him all of five minutes.

"Get off me," I managed to protest weakly. He immediately let go, taking a few steps back. I looked at the floor.

"Get out. Get out and don't speak to me again!" I felt my voice shaking. He just shrugged and left, leaving me feeling guilty for my own feelings towards him.

xXx

Over the next few weeks, Saki didn't even attempt to speak to me. We attended the same school, same classes, we slept in the same wing of the house and shared meals together, but we didn't speak a word. Oriya had befriended him, and would often speak to him at length about all kinds of things, leaving me just to sit next to them in silence, pretending not to care that my father's bastard child had stolen my best friend.

It wasn't until a month after our confrontation that Saki came to talk to me. It was in school, in front of everyone. He just walked up to me and pushed me up against a wall, his eyes flashing.

"You told our father that I had hurt you, you little runt," He hissed. I blinked at him, stupidly. I never spoke to my father. I hated him for what he had done to mother.

"No! I didn't do anything! I swear Saki; I wouldn't talk to that dishonourable bastard for any reason!" I yelped as he began to stop the air getting into my lungs. I saw Oriya hovering in the background, unsure of what to do. Before Saki came along, he would have rushed to my aid, but now he is too infatuated with Saki to even care about a runt like me… A runt with cat pupils…

"I would be careful where you use the term bastard around me, Muraki-san. It could be classed as extremely offensive," He growled. I felt my eyes beginning to roll into the back of my head. Everything felt really heavy. I needed air… Would he kill me?

"Saki! Saki get off him! You're hurting him! He's gonna collapse!" Oriya… Wonderful Oriya… It's a shame that I shall die wondering if you like my bastard half-brother better than me… You were always such a good friend to me.

And then I fell to the ground, gasping for breath.

"Pathetic…" Saki snarled. I gagged and grabbed his ankle, helplessly trying to get him to stay, to listen…

"Saki…" I managed before losing consciousness.

xXx

I awoke in my room at home. I don't know how I got there but when I turned on my side my gaze was met by a pair of knees. I looked up at Saki's smile and shrank back in my bed, pushing myself as far away from him as I could. It wasn't far enough; he just reached out lovingly, stroking the bruises around my throat and my cheek.

"Oriya has been very worried about you. I just managed to get him to leave. Mother says I am to look after you. Naturally, they don't know I'm the cause," He said, that creepy smile still in place. I froze, was he here just to finish me off? Those gentle caresses felt so different… I found my mind going back to something a girl had said once about sex.

'It's better to be tickled than throttled.'

How true…

And then the traitorous blushing began…

"What is it, Kazutaka-kun? Are you so shy that you cannot even stand your brother's touch?" Saki's face moved closer to my own, meeting my eyes and capturing them. "Or is it something much more perverse than that?" He was smirking.

I tried to stammer out a denial, desperate for him not to think that I was infatuated with him. Especially seeing as it was so perverse and wrong. I tried to deny it but failed, miserably.

"Are you as twisted as me, Bon?" He asked. I just swallowed, there was nothing left for me to deny. He lazily brushed lips over my own. Despite every warning message in my head, I found myself kissing back.

This kid had threatened to kill me a few hours ago, yet now he was being loving and gentle. He didn't try to deepen the kiss, allowing me to do it if I so wanted. I did. I parted my lips, gently sighing as his tongue entered my mouth. Gods, it felt so good…

I would be too embarrassed to admit it to someone, but I had fantasised about Saki all month. How this would feel, how it would feel for him to touch me, how it would feel to… Despite myself, I blushed.

"Ah, Kazutaka, your words and your actions don't match… Here, allow me to help you decide what you want" No sooner had he said it he'd ran his hand over my crotch, gently squeezing. I gasped.

"Has anyone touched you this way before, Bon?" He asked. I gulped, unable to form anything coherent in my brain. I may have uttered complete gobbledegook but I don't think Saki minded that much.

"No, I didn't think so" He chuckled, before removing his hand to unbutton my blazer, slowly slipping it from my shoulders. He was wearing a robe, just a simple cream coloured one that was common for men to wear about the house. I fumbled with the ties on it, unsure of what to do once I got it open anyhow.

"Are you going to say anything, Kazutaka? If you don't, I might assume you don't want to be touched this way," Saki held the threat above my head. I took a few deep breaths, trying to steady my racing heart.

"Yes, Saki-san, I do want this… I'm just as sick as you are," I whispered. He smiled.

"I doubt that, Bon, but I will continue nonetheless" He then removed the shirt from my shoulders, sliding it down my pale skin. I hissed at the sudden cold of the room. Saki chuckled, drawing me closer to him as I managed to work the robe loose, pressing our naked chests together.

Carefully, Saki removed my trousers, being careful not to destroy the mood. I know that if I had been forced to stand up and pull the trousers off myself I would have lost my nerve, but Saki managed to keep me distracted until he'd taken them off, pulling my boxers with them.

I ran my hands down Saki's chest, testing what worked and what didn't. I had heard that sex got better with time, as lovers learned what their partner liked and didn't, what drove them crazy and what made them moan. I didn't expect to find Saki hadn't worn any underwear, so when my hands ran down the smooth skin of his hips instead of cloth I gave an involuntary gasp.

"Nnn… Kazutaka…" He breathed. This encouraged me, giving me the confidence to gently take his semi-erection into my hand, replicating what I did to pleasure myself onto him. I enjoyed watching the reaction from Saki, how his mouth opened slightly, his breathing became ragged, his eyes half-lidded and a soft sheen of sweat appeared on his torso.

"Enough," He said suddenly, pushing me back against the bed, rolling on top of me, crushing our hips together. I groaned, tilting my head back, allowing Saki to kiss my neck. We kissed and caressed each other for what seemed like hours, teasing each other almost to the brink, testing every sense, every area, exploring each other fully.

"Kazutaka-kun… Are you prepared to… to have me inside you?" Saki asked. I blinked up at him, suddenly feeling afraid. I knew what he meant; I wasn't so naïve as that, but even so… I had heard that it hurt…

"Yes but… won't it hurt?" I asked. Saki smiled.

"Yes, it will hurt, Kazutaka-kun. You will bleed and cry out in pain. But the pleasure will be so much greater," He whispered. I just nodded. I allowed him to enter me, my legs spread, propped up by a pillow, with no preparation, I didn't even realise I should have been. I cried out, it hurt so much!

"Shh, Kazutaka-kun…" Saki's voice was trembling. I looked up to see the lust in his eyes. He was getting turned on by my pain, I knew that now. He enjoyed hurting me… I felt him move out, before thrusting in again, each thrust long, slow, savouring.

I felt tears of pain behind my closed eyelids. I sensed no pleasure except for the sick fascination of Saki being inside me. The way he seemed to be tearing my insides to pieces. Strangely, his thrusts were getting slicker…

"K-Kazutaka… Nnngh…" Saki reached down, taking my soft cock into his hand. He frowned then, looking down at my pained expression and slowly pulling out of me. I nearly choked at the sight of blood on Saki's erection. I felt myself pulling away, but he pushed me down.

"Sh, look at me… Look at me… I need for you to stay still. I'm going to go inside you again-" He paused while I thrashed, trying to get away.

"Please, no! It hurts! It hurts, Saki!" I struggled. Saki just waited for me to stop before continuing his sentence.

"I'll find your prostate and it'll make it hurt less, okay? Trust me, Kazutaka," He pressed. I closed my eyes. Trust him? Trust someone who was fucking his half-brother, taking pleasure in his pain? I must have been insane…

"O-Okay…" I replied, bracing myself for his entry. I wasn't expecting a hot mouth around my penis. I choked back a cry as he sucked and licked, taking me deep into his throat, pushing passed the gag reflex. I buried my hands in his hair, thrusting into his mouth shamelessly. The stinging and pleasure complimented each other so perfectly I thought I had been driven insane…

I whimpered as he pulled away, crawling up my body. I was surprised when Saki brushed a finger against my lips, politely demanding that I opened my mouth. Unsure what was happening, I opened my lips and gently sucked on his finger. I heard him moan softly as he added another finger.

Then he withdrew the fingers from my mouth, slowly lowering his hand. He pushed a single finger in, slowly moving in and out. It was uncomfortable, but compared to the original pain, it was certainly bearable. He inserted another finger, pushing in as far as he could, making scissoring motions and then…

I moaned, my back arcing.

"That, Bon, is your prostate," Saki chuckled as I writhed. He played with me for a while, ignoring my pleas for him to go inside me again. He kept teasing me, all the pain, pleasure, teasing, amounted to me beginning to lose control completely.

Eventually he took pity on me, slowly entering me. I winced; it hurt still, but less than before. He made sure he hit that spot inside me, pleasuring me while causing me pain. I pushed my hips up, trying to get him inside me as deep as I could. I found myself reaching orgasm far too quickly, but Saki was careful, gently guiding me away from climax.

We stayed like that, just happy with pleasuring each other until the sun looked about to set. I lost control then completely, breaking down and letting myself go. As orgasm tremored through my body, I called Saki's name, my nails digging into his back, gasping and exhausted. I knew he had climaxed as well, as he lay on top of me, heavy and breathing raggedly.

"It hurts, Saki…" I whispered as the stinging returned to my backside. He sat up, rolling to the side and pulling me onto his lap, covering us with blankets. He kissed my neck lazily.

"Aa. I suggest you take a bath it'll soothe the muscles. I have some ointment in my room I'll bring it over after your bath…" He murmured. I sat there, not feeling like moving, not even if it would relieve the burning pain.

"Saki… Do you… Do you love me?" I asked. The question had just occurred to me. We have fucked, but had I given my virginity to someone who didn't care about me?

"Love you, Kazutaka? Would it hurt you if I said I was unsure? I like you; you're a good person, a much better person than I am. I admire you I admire your beauty. There are so many beautiful things about you… Whether I love you or whether I merely am obsessed with you is something I do not know the answer to…" He answered. At least it was the truth I supposed. I looked at my hands.

"Could you… Could you pretend you loved me…?" I asked. It felt wrong, to ask, but I felt that it should be that way. I needed to feel loved, wanted, by someone. Anyone…

"If… that is what you truly want, Kazutaka-kun, I can pretend to be in love with you…" He replied. I nodded and then stood, pulling on my trousers and shirt quickly, blushing at my nakedness despite the fact that Saki had just been admiring it all afternoon.

"I will bathe now…" I told him. He smiled at me, not the mocking smile that I had often seen him wear, but a true smile, that made his steel-like eyes seem warmer.

"Okay. I'll make sure that everything's ready for you when you get out…" He pulled on his robe, beginning to strip the bed, tiding everything up. I left him to it, climbing into the bath and letting it wash away my aches.

Saki was right the bath did make the stinging in my backside go away.

It was the stinging in my heart that wouldn't be soothed.

xXx

The next few months passed in a blur. Saki and I were openly a couple at school; no one even batted an eyelid at it. Oriya had sulked for the first few weeks, but after I insisted that I was truly happy with Saki, he backed off, turning back to his cheerful old self. We had neglected to mention that Saki was actually related to me by blood; instead I made up the tale of father taking him in as an adopted son. Neither myself nor Saki wanted to end up explaining an incestuous relationship to the headmaster or our friends…

At home we had to be slightly more secretive, meeting up to do "homework" after dinner, taking the occasional bath together, sneaking into each other's rooms late at night, waiting until my parents had gone out before having sex in their bed.

We were both just a bundle of sex nerves and we thoroughly enjoyed it. Saki was an incredible lover, after the first time, everything seemed to get better. Everything hurt less, even when he bit or scratched, he knew I could take it. Distinguishing between pain and pleasure becomes hard when your brain is so scrambled the only words you know are "Saki", "harder" and "faster".

I had never been so happy. Even my parents noticed that I smiled more. I slowly relaxed around Saki, allowing him to see sides of me I'd never shown anyone else. He was truly interested in me.

'Obsessed' he called it. He was always watching me, touching me whenever possible. Just talking to someone else, such as Oriya or Hiro, he would get jealous. Sometimes were fought over it, but I never won. Eventually I just bowed to his wishes and agreed not to speak to anyone without him present.

I was Saki's completely.

I loved him, and he owned me.

That was all there was to it.

I was happy to be owned by him, happy to be his possession, happy to be his doll.

As long as I was with him…

xXx

The rain came down that night. I rushed in from the late night study club. Saki was there, as usual, waiting for me in my room. I smiled, rushing forward to greet him, kissing him soundly. He didn't protest, allowing me to greet him properly. However, when I tried to make it something more he stopped me, looking deep into my eyes.

"Kazutaka-kun… Your parents…" He choked out. I blinked and then took in his appearance. In my rush to kiss him I had missed something. He was covered in blood. He started to cry, sobbing into his hands.

"Saki… Saki, what happened Tell me…" I whispered, cradling him in my arms. He mumbled something into my chest that made my heart still. I froze.

"They were murdered…"

I stood up, ignoring his pleas for me to stop, to stay with him, not to leave him alone because he was afraid. I ignored him completely, running around the compound until I came across the room. There were police everywhere, all over the front of the house. As I'd entered through the back gate, I hadn't seen any of it… Until now…

"'KAASAN!" I yelled, making to run forward but I was stopped by a police officer.

"It's the other son," He grumbled, as I tried desperately to get free. I tried to get to my mother, who lay in a pool of her own blood. Beside her, in a mocking position that made him look like he was having anal sex with her, was my father. His head had been removed, laid against my mother's breasts. It was disgusting…

"'Kaasan… 'Tousan…" I gasped, falling to my knees. Who could have done such a thing? I had hated my parents, true, but at the same time, I was reliant on them, like every child. They were my parents and I needed them.

"C'mon kid, we'll take you back to your brother, how's that?" The kind police officer said. I don't think I really knew what I was saying.

"He's not my brother. He's my lover," I said quietly, standing up and trying to wipe the tears from my face. I wouldn't let Saki see me cry. I heard the officer's startled whispers.

"But isn't he your father's bastard child?" One of the thoughtless officers asked. I looked across the compound and saw Saki stood there, in the rain, watching me. I ran forward, grabbing hold of him, crying as hard as I could into his shoulder.

He didn't raise an arm to comfort me. He shrugged me off.

"It's over, Muraki-san. Let go of me you little brat," He snarled. I blinked, unable to comprehend what was going on. Saki looked at me with steel eyes that held no warmth and I felt like I was drowning in the rain.

I fell to my knees in a muddy puddle, feeling dirty and alone. So very alone…

I had lost all those close to me in the space of half an hour…

But what had I done to deserve it?

xXx

He had stumbled in, laughing manically. I felt bile rising in my throat. He had been laughing at the funeral too… I turned away when he tried to kiss me, his breath smelled of sake.

"Why are you laughing? Our parents are dead!" I punched the wall next to me. The laughing stopped immediately, he started at the wall were my newly bruised knuckles had left a small crater.

"I know…" He replied. I turned to him, my suspicions were rife. I wanted to blame someone for their killings and I wanted to know why Saki had done it. I didn't want to believe that he had done it but I had a feeling that he had.

"They found out about us, didn't they?" I pressed softly. Saki turned on me then, his eyes blazing.

"Yes, Kazutaka, they discovered us. They went into school where a teacher mentioned it in passing. They came home and they told me that I had to leave. I told them I'd rather die than leave you behind…" He stumbled forward, slowly running his hand through my hair, kissing my forehead.

"I planned on killing the two of us, so we could be together forever in the afterlife. Doesn't that sound good, Kazutaka-kun? Together forever? No more having to hide, no more being ashamed, just being happy together?" Saki asked. I blinked back tears I didn't know I'd shed.

"I don't want to die, Saki… I don't want to…" I whispered. He looked at me for a moment.

"It was all for us, Kazutaka! They would have forced us apart! I didn't want to lose you! I had to!" He was smiling again now, as he took a sword from the wall, advancing on me with it. I felt fear rising in me.

"We'll be together again, Kazutaka, we'll be free and happy. We just have to die and everything will be alright…" He cackled. I felt the sick realisation dawning in my panic filled mind as I tripped over my own feet onto the floor. Saki mockingly brushed my hair off my face with the sword tip, accidentally cutting my cheek.

"Saki…!" I gasped, staring at him as he stood there; he was smiling.

"You were the one that killed them!" I couldn't believe it. I wouldn't believe it! Not Saki! Not my Saki! Not the man I had shared my bed with! Not the Saki I loved with all my being! No!

"You bastard!" I yelled. That was exactly what he was. For the first time I spoke that insult to him aloud, knowing that it was something he hated to be called. He raised the sword he was holding, about to chop off my head, no doubt. I heard a gunshot, saw the surprised look on his face as he fell forward, a bullet hole in his chest. I saw him mouth the words as he fell. 'I love you, Bon.'

"Master," The gunman said, lowering his shotgun. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I looked straight ahead, unable to register what had just happened beyond…

"Saki…"

xXx

I awaken from my nightmare again, staring out of the window. Oriya is beside me, still sleeping. I glance at him, and then look away. Oriya… I keep him around because he is useful but he reminds me too much of the old days. He reminds me of the days full of happiness with Saki… The days that made his betrayal so much worse…

He awakens, smiling sleepily at me.

"Which nightmare?" He asks. I smile at least he is a tool who knows me well.

"Saki's death," I reply. He nods and says nothing.

It is best that way.

"Did he really have to kill them, Oriya?" I ask, knowing the answer that Oriya will give. It is the same answer the police gave. It was the same answer everyone gave. 'No, he was just twisted and sick.'

"In Saki's mind, probably. For you two to be together and happy, your parents probably couldn't have been around. It's possible of course that he could have just waited a few years for the natural causes to take effect but… Saki wanted you that much…" Oriya surmises. I stare at him for a good while before getting dressed and leaving. I feel no remorse at leaving abruptly like that.

I have places to go, you know.

Shinigami to find.

People to kill.

Bodies to transplant.

One day, I will find Saki again.

And I'll kill him again for putting me through the pain of his death.

xXx

**End Notes**: _I liked this, strangely enough. I quite like Saki, and I like to twist things so it makes even madness sound reasonable. I think this is one of my favourite Muraki pairings simply because they are just one and the same… Except Muraki gets more twisted than even MY Saki is…_

_Review…_

_ Thanks to EternallyFaithful who beta read it  
_


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